How war has changed us all

I adored violets. Had a whole collection. In February 2022, I stopped taking care of them. Empty pots in the attic remind me of my hobby, of my past life. Two years of war became an entire era for my country.

The traumatic experience of Ukrainians is special. The European continent has not had such an experience since the Second World War.

According to the latest survey, 67 per cent of Ukrainians recognize psychological health as the biggest problem, which places second after loss of income. We are still adapting to new, difficult living conditions. But for some Ukrainians, war is not about health at all; there are problems with renewable resources; a high level of aggression is felt in society.

At the beginning of the full-scale invasion, I felt a strong need to socialize, now I try to avoid conversations with my friends. At first glance, everyone around is trying to be as polite and positive as possible. However, all our conversations end with the topic of war.

We now defend the borders of our country and often forget about our personal life. Involuntarily, we become a pit for other people’s negative emotions. Internal positivity is now worth its weight in gold. In Ukraine, people still do not have the habit of systematically working with a psychologist. People are often afraid to open up, shy to ask for help.

Yesterday, I accidentally met my classmate Andrew and his wife. He was limping. Andrew was at the front for more than a year. Due to a serious injury, he was demobilized. The rehabilitation benefited him. However, his beautiful wife appeared to have aged 10 years. Her left eye was constantly twitching, her gaze was gloomy and distant.

In their family, the wife took all the psychological damage. My little neighbour girl Eva is only two years old. Her whole life is war. Eva loves life very much. She is always cheerful and smiling. But she does not like war. Eva often repeats that she must be strong. Hard times give birth to strong people. It’s true.

Although Ukrainians are united more than ever in the fight against the enemy, there are also signs of polarization of society on the basis of “home/foreign,” on the basis of language, between internally displaced and native residents, people who remained in Ukraine, and those who went abroad, those who fought and those who did not.

This creates a special burden within the country.

My friend Maria returned from Italy at the beginning of summer. She was there for almost two years. At first she was happy to return home. But then she suddenly began to feel depressed; lost sleep.

What is a long war? This is when the war is no longer a sensation. This is when the war becomes the main event of your life. It cannot be compared in the strength of feelings with any other peaceful event — not with marriage, not with the birth of children, travelling or buying a house. War surpasses everything in its scope. Unfortunately, and against my will, I became a person of war.

I live in a period of not only sharp historical changes, but also climatic changes. Yesterday, it was 12 C in our city. The sun was shining, birds were singing. Today it is -3 C. Heavy snow is falling. The hot tea in my hand is trying to calm my blood pressure.

“Exhibition of violets” — a large, bright poster caught my attention. The war taught me not to postpone things for later. I immediately bought a ticket online. A respectable woman told visitors about the varieties of violets she was most proud of.

Suddenly, one of the visitors began to complain that there are words of Russian origin among the plant names. The breeder began to cry. Oh … unfortunately, there is also a war here. I chose a violet that clearly reflected the level of my inner tension — the most expensive, the largest and the brightest. This is my first war violet.